{"id":18179,"date":"2022-04-18T08:55:00","date_gmt":"2022-04-18T06:55:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kerstinhack.de\/?p=18179"},"modified":"2025-02-04T10:20:04","modified_gmt":"2025-02-04T09:20:04","slug":"find-the-right-words-in-a-dispute-with-4-rules","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kerstinhack.de\/en\/mit-4-regeln-im-streit-die-richtigen-worte-finden\/","title":{"rendered":"Find the right words in an argument with 4 rules"},"content":{"rendered":"

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I came back from a Christian summer camp and was excited about what I had discovered about God and faith and wanted to share my enthusiasm. So I read from a devotional book every day before lunch without being asked. Until my hungry family, who weren't particularly well disposed, forbade me to do so.<\/p>

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Has this ever happened to you? You were completely enthusiastic about an idea. \"We could go on holiday to Portugal!\" or \"We could renovate the bathroom!\" \"We could help the refugees from Ukraine.\" But the people around you were anything but enthusiastic and cancelled your idea outright. No desire, no interest, no time.<\/p>

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That's sad, because you want the people who are close to you to be happy with you. And for some ideas, you need the support of others to realise them. You can't do it alone.<\/p>

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The lack of response often has to do with people not being able to understand the idea and, above all, the emotions and needs behind it.<\/p>

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Communicate successfully - with the help of Non-violent communication<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>

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Marshall Rosenberg, the developer of non-violent communication, developed four basic steps that help to ensure that what you want to communicate is received more clearly and better by the other person.<\/p>

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1. observation<\/h3>

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What exactly does something look like?<\/p>

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Good, clear description:<\/strong> When I look at the living room, I see magazines, children's toys, plates and cups lying around everywhere.<\/p>

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Bad:<\/strong> No description at all or an inaccurate one: The living room is such a mess.<\/p>

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2. feelings<\/h3>

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Describe the feelings this triggers. The basic feelings are: Fear (this also includes stress and helplessness), anger, shame, disgust, sadness, joy.<\/p>

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Good description:<\/strong> I get annoyed when I see that.<\/p>

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Bad description:<\/strong> Not naming feelings at all or describing them imprecisely and with metaphors, e.g. Then my hat goes up.<\/p>

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3. needs<\/h3>

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Behind every feeling is a need. Needs are the 8 needs of the 8 + 1 concept*.<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>

\"8+1\"<\/a><\/p>

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A good example:<\/strong> I have a need for peace and order. Or to put it another way: I want to find peace and long for order.<\/p>

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Bad example<\/strong>l: Don't mention the need at all or pass off the strategy (what should be done) as a need: I have a need for you to tidy up.<\/p>

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4. please<\/h3>

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A request should be specific and fulfilable in a timely manner.<\/p>

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A good example:<\/strong> Please help me tidy up for 10 minutes and carry all the crockery from the living room to the kitchen.<\/p>

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Bad example: Z<\/strong>Thinking that the other person can read your mind and not making a clear request. Or formulating a request too vaguely, e.g. \"Please tidy up!\" (without specifying when, what, etc.)<\/p>

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My idea for this week:<\/h3>

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Observe<\/em> This week, simply look at how you and others communicate and what is received and what is not.<\/p>

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- How exactly are wishes and needs communicated?<\/p>

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- Are they clearly understandable for the other person?<\/p>

Think about how you could approach the situation using the 4 rules of the NVC. Try it out.<\/p>

If you would like to find out more about this topic, I recommend the Quadro \"Non-violent communication\"<\/span><\/strong><\/a>in which I have explained the four steps in detail.<\/p>

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It won't bring peace everywhere in the world, but it will bring a little more in your neighbourhood.<\/p>

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Your Kerstin<\/p>

You can find more tips on this topic in our shop:<\/p>

If you prefer webinars, you can also watch the Webinar \"Experience closeness. Three ways to deepen your relationship\"<\/a> <\/strong><\/span>view.<\/p>

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Quadro Learning to forgive. The art of living inwardly free | Kerstin Hack.<\/strong><\/a><\/span> This quadro is designed to support you on the path to forgiveness and is ideal for anyone who wants to let go of hurtful things and become free inside.<\/p>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>

If you don't know and can't formulate your needs, you won't get very far with NVC. This Book<\/a> <\/strong><\/span>uses the story of creation as a starting point to show ways to live a fulfilled and balanced life.<\/p>

The eight elements of life in the creation story coincide with what scientists - particularly recent research into emotions - define as the basic needs of human beings. When these needs are met, people are relaxed and happy. Orienting ourselves towards these elements helps to make life more balanced. It ensures that all basic needs find their place and are fulfilled. This gives you strength and joie de vivre.<\/p>

The swing balance concept\u00a0<\/h3>\"\"<\/a>

click on the graphic for an enlarged view<\/em><\/p>

The life element is part of my Swing<\/em>-concept:<\/strong> The most beautiful and profound thing I have ever developed for a holistically good life. While the other concepts strongly separate the individual areas of life from each other, the Swing<\/em>-Concept<\/strong> the basic human needs that are important for a balanced life:\u00a0<\/p>

The special feature of the Swing<\/em>-Concept<\/strong> is that while it is important for a fulfilled life that all elements are present in life, it doesn't matter where and how you live them out.\u00a0<\/p>

Whether vision and creativity unfold at work or in leisure time is not so important - the main thing is that they find space in life at all.<\/p>

Online you can do a test here<\/a><\/strong>which element of life is currently being neglected.<\/p>

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