{"id":2503,"date":"2014-01-09T16:29:51","date_gmt":"2014-01-09T15:29:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kerstinpur.de\/?p=2503"},"modified":"2025-02-04T10:20:33","modified_gmt":"2025-02-04T09:20:33","slug":"feel-responsible","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kerstinhack.de\/en\/sich-verantwortlich-fuehlen\/","title":{"rendered":"Feeling responsible"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>First of all: Taking responsibility<a href=\"https:\/\/kerstinhack.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/2013-11-04-17.59.58.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-2504\" src=\"https:\/\/kerstinhack.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/2013-11-04-17.59.58-300x224.jpg\" alt=\"2013-11-04 17.59.58\" width=\"300\" height=\"224\" \/><\/a>Feeling responsible isn\u2019t a feeling. That might surprise some people, because this \u201efeeling of responsibility\u201c does indeed feel like a feeling. But if you take a closer look, you\u2019ll realise that this feeling consists of two parts:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u2013 the idea that \u201eI think I am responsible\u201c<\/li>\n<li>\u2013 a feeling \u2013 such as pressure, anxiety, stress, feeling overwhelmed, or sadness.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I\u2019m not usually one to split hairs, but in this case it\u2019s important to me. Because this distinction can open the door to freedom. Once you realise, \u201eI think I\u2019m responsible\u201c, you can examine that critically:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Am I really to blame?<\/li>\n<li>To what extent am I responsible?<\/li>\n<li>Do I want to be responsible?<\/li>\n<li>Who else is responsible?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>That alone can be a relief. There are situations in which you are actually responsible. Parents, for example, are responsible for their children \u2013 more so when they are young, and less so as they get older.<\/p>\n<p><strong>But what about the feelings one actually feels?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>In the vast majority of cases, the \u201efeeling\u201c of responsibility is nothing more than empathy and a sense of connection \u2013 coupled with sadness. You sense that the other person is not well. You empathise with them. And at the same time, you have your own feelings: sadness, helplessness, pressure or similar (depending on the situation and your thought patterns). This jumble of thoughts and feelings is then called \u201eI feel responsible.\u201c<\/p>\n<p>What can be done?<\/p>\n<p>I believe that adults are primarily responsible for their own lives. I cannot and must not take responsibility for anyone who is an adult. That is their responsibility. At most, I can take responsibility in specific areas \u2013 in coaching, for example, I am responsible for facilitating a good process for the duration of an hour. As a publisher, I have a responsibility to guide my staff effectively, and so on.<\/p>\n<p>Every now and then, though, I still find myself \u201efeeling responsible\u201c. A good friend is stressed \u2013 and I sense it and think I have to help him now. A friend isn\u2019t feeling well \u2013 I slip into a sense of responsibility. Whenever I catch myself doing this, I\u2019ve always consciously done two things internally:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>I consider whether and how I would like to support the person and, if appropriate, let them know.<\/li>\n<li>In my heart, I said: \u201eI am placing the responsibility for your life back in your hands.\u201c<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>My friend Rosemarie suggested a third step, which I think is lovely:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201eI bless you, that you may bear this responsibility well.\u201c.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I really love this third step \u2013 I can and am allowed to offer my blessing \u2013 and in doing so, strengthen and support the other person in their ability to take control of their life. I find that a great relief and a source of joy.<\/p>\n<p>By the way, the photo shows barges from above\u2026 it\u2019s a good thing that each barge carries only its own load, otherwise it would sink.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Vorneweg: Sich verantwortlich f\u00fchlen ist kein Gef\u00fchl. Das mag den einen oder anderen erstaunen, denn dieses &#8222;verantwortlich f\u00fchlen&#8220; f\u00fchlt sich doch tats\u00e4chlich wie ein Gef\u00fchl au. 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