{"id":5084,"date":"2017-12-22T09:20:52","date_gmt":"2017-12-22T08:20:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kerstinpur.de\/?p=5062"},"modified":"2017-12-22T09:20:52","modified_gmt":"2017-12-22T08:20:52","slug":"marital-crisis-marital-happiness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kerstinhack.de\/en\/ehekrise-eheglueck\/","title":{"rendered":"Marital crisis - marital bliss"},"content":{"rendered":"

The time of \u00a0Reflection in Antwerp<\/a> also brought back many memories of my long-time friends \u201eHenk and Henriette\u201c.<\/p>\n

\"HeI recently visited them. Readers may recognise them and the story of their marriage crisis from my book The hut and me<\/a>. Back then, the crisis had only just been overcome, but the old tension was still in the air.<\/p>\n

Now, on the other hand, it was simply soothing to be with them. They spoilt me with massages, coffee and delicious food during my short time with them - wonderful. But even nicer was their interaction with each other. It was so relaxing for me to see them so happy.<\/p>\n

There was no longer any sign of the old marital crisis. It wasn't because they were hiding anything - our relationship was and is far too open for that. Rather, it was because they are now doing really well together. They are much happier together now than they were 10 years ago.<\/p>\n

Marital crisis - the relationship at its lowest point<\/h3>\n

\"\"After all, it wasn't always like this. A few years ago, when the children had just left home, the couple had been in a deep marital crisis for several years. Henriette told me at the time:<\/p>\n

\u201eI know I won't leave him, but I have no hope that I will ever be happy with him again.\u201c<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In contrast to her, Henk was helpless and paralysed. He tried hard to do better. But nothing he did seemed to work. It seemed as if there was nothing he could do to bring the relationship back to joy and vitality.<\/p>\n

\"\"However, they both wanted things to get better again. As a friend, I did my best to support them - with my own mixture of empathy, professional coaching questions<\/a> and a good dose of directness. All of this is supplemented with practical tips and an attempt to listen inwardly to what God may have wanted to say to them to strengthen them.<\/p>\n

Support in a marriage crisis - as a friend and coach<\/h3>\n

Of course there were other people who accompanied them during this phase, but they both say that I was a key person for them during this time. I can still remember some of the encounters and conversations well.<\/p>\n

Of course, I was mainly at her side as a friend during the marriage crisis. In addition - with her permission - I also gave my Skills as a coach <\/a>used. Permission is very important to me. I often compare coaching tools to a doctor's scalpel. You only use this - even with friends - after consultation. And only in the right setting.<\/p>\n

When I look back, one scene is the most memorable: she brought me delicious coffee in the morning and sat on the edge of my bed. He joined me and I did two hours of solid marriage counselling in my pyjamas. Admittedly, this was a rather unusual setting. But this conversation was an important milestone that brought her out of the marriage crisis.<\/p>\n

Marriage crisis - what helped?<\/h3>\n

It is exciting for me as a friend and as a coach to find out what was helpful and effective. That's why I recently asked her directly over a delicious dinner:<\/p>\n

What of what I did was most helpful for you in your marriage crisis?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Your exciting answers<\/strong><\/p>\n