Fit through autumn and winter: Part 7 - Let go of stress

In my coaching training there was a trainer who was so relaxed that I often said:

"Buddha looks like a hectic person next to him!"

It had something that I long for and that I want to develop further: relaxed calm is something wonderful.

Stress saves lives

This lightning-fast reaction and "switching into survival mode" is brilliant - when life is actually threatened. Then stress is essential for survival and healthy.

Stress is dangerous

It only becomes problematic when stress becomes a permanent condition. In other words, when we categorise dozens and hundreds of situations as "life-threatening" and react accordingly.

The body is then constantly flooded with stress hormones - which can lead to tension, insomnia and other problems and increase susceptibility to cancer and heart attacks.

Stress damages the immune system

Stress often leads to obesity because we tend to eat and drink uncontrollably and often unhealthily in or after stressful situations: chocolate, crisps, far too much coffee or... Or...

This actually has a doubly counterproductive effect. Coffee in large quantities can trigger anxiety and nervousness - the so-called "flutter" that you get when you try to compensate for extreme tiredness with coffee. This can lead to a racing heart, nausea and other unpleasant consequences. And it doesn't exactly help to reduce stress.

The same applies to Sugary foodsthat give you a short-term boost and energy - but the hole you fall into afterwards is much deeper.

"Let go of stress, you're surrounded" - they used to say. Stress can indeed be surrounded.

Three ways out of destructive stress

Change perception

When we perceive something as "life-threatening", we automatically react with stress - we can't help it. This is partly innate and partly learnt. We cannot stop the reaction directly - but we can stop the perception. Not everything that we categorise as "life-threatening" is actually a threat to our existence.

I know a woman who stresses out before every party she's invited to: "I have to go to another birthday party, what a stress!" Or: "I have to get a present again!" Other people experience exactly the same situation as joyful and beautiful: "I'm looking forward to the party - and would like to give the host something wonderful."

Spoiler: Very few situations that stress us out are actually life-threatening.

You can practise a new perspective here. "If I don't make it to kindergarten on time, it's unpleasant - but the world won't end." "If the deadline is not met, the consequences are unpleasant - but not life-threatening."

Yes, these situations threaten my well-being - but not my life. If you practise making yourself aware of this again and again, you can reduce stress enormously.

Set priorities

A lot of stress is caused by everything coming at you at once. Deadlines, children's illness, mountains of work, 1000 unfinished tasks, phone calls that need to be taken care of. You feel like a mother bird whose four children are stretching their beaks towards her - but she only has one worm.

Giving everything the same priority is deadly. It's incredibly stressful. No one can manage that. It helps to pause for a moment. And think about it: What is really the most important thing right now? Which task should I do first? And then what?

Taking the three or five minutes it takes to plan is a huge relief.

Develop a broad focus

• Stay present

When you are stressed, you are no longer focussed on the present, but on a point in the future. This makes sense if you are fleeing from a tiger - or lorry - and want to get to safety. In everyday life, this kind of fixation leads to a narrowing of perspective. You only see what you want to achieve: "I have to get this done and this and this..." That's stressful.

• Stay calm

This kind of fixation makes you less productive and narrower in your thinking. There is an exciting experiment in which people were told: "If you solve a problem particularly quickly, you will receive a reward." The crazy thing was that the comparison group, which was only given the task of solving the problem, was faster and had more fun.

• Enjoy now

Focussing on a point in the future ("When I have that") makes us narrow and dogged. It spoils the joy of life and the joy of what we are doing right now. We are no longer in the here and now. And only in the here and now can we enjoy and relax.

I often experience this when writing. Sometimes I think: "I have to finish this text." Firstly, there's a "must" in there (which isn't a good thing - I don't have to do anything). And secondly, the fixation causes stress.

It feels completely different when I say: "I'm working on this text now." When I concentrate on the here and now and write as well as I can. If you consciously switch to the "now" again and again instead of being chased by a point you want to reach in the future, you live a more relaxed and easier life. And reduces stress enormously.

The phrase "the journey is the reward" is rather hackneyed, but there is some truth to it.

It makes a big difference whether you are only focussed on arriving somewhere (whether at work, kindergarten or the end of a project). Or whether you say: "I'm on my way right now."

Extra tip: Stress makes us tired, but at the same time prevents us from sleeping well. A good night's sleep is an important part of avoiding stress. Every time we go to bed, we die a little death. At the end of the day, you can, may and usually have to admit to yourself: I didn't get everything done that I set out to do that day. I haven't solved every problem. It's time to let go. An evening ritual can help with this: This can be a quiet tidy-up walk through the home. Or lighting a candle. Or a few minutes on the balcony or by an open window. You can combine this with an evening prayer or evening meditation. I myself ask myself what three to five things I am grateful for on this day. Or I use what is known as the exam and ask myself: When was I least alive today? When was I particularly alive? Then I can let go and go to sleep grateful.

Do you generally find it difficult to calm down and establish healthy structures in your life?

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