Pentecost. Or: Where and how God's spirit works

The day started well. With two dreams. In one, I dreamed of launching my ship - still a pipe dream, but one that should become reality in the next few months.

And then I dreamt of a friend from Berlin who told me in a dream that she regretted having an operation but was now making the best of it. Hmmm?

The interpretation of the daily Bible study was about the fact that the fall into sin had sown doubt into our lives on three levels:

• Doubts about God's provision
• Doubts about God's love
• Doubts about God's authority

Suddenly I realised that trusting on one level does not automatically mean that you can also believe on the other levels. In recent years, God has greatly deepened my trust that he loves me. He even said to me once: „You are in my school of love and have just passed your first year.“ That was a few years ago. I hope that I am further along.

I know quite a few Christians who are really deeply anchored in the love of God. But that doesn't mean that they trust in God's authority or have confidence in his provision. I myself have always struggled with doubts about God's provision. It's an area where I want to be careful with my own heart to not walk in distrust. The doubts about God's authority - especially in the area of healing - were so deep-seated that I didn't even recognise them as doubts. I assumed that nothing would happen anyway. That is blatantly deep-seated doubt.

I am glad that I am realising this - and that by juxtaposing the three different levels of trust, I have also realised that „even more“ of what you already have does not automatically fill the other levels. Those who have confidence in God's authority do not necessarily have to be anchored in his love. And those who know how much they are loved can still doubt God's provision or power to intervene. It's best to grow in all three areas. My two growth challenges are now clear to me.

Then I cried. I thought about the fact that I don't know anyone in the whole of Berlin who is trained in divine healing and is regularly used by God in this area. I know many Christians in the city, but no one in this area. Not one! That shook me to the core. The city has three million people, many of whom need help and healing! I cried again and again. Even when I told the others about the training meeting that takes place here. It hits me hard.

Later, when I was thinking about this on a walk, I remembered an incident that Sascha Flek told me. Sascha is Czech and one day he cried out to God: „Do you love the English more than us - they have the Bible in X different translations - and we only have a 700-year-old translation that nobody understands. Don't you love us too?“ Again and again he lamented his pain to God. Until God replied: „Why do you think I put this on your heart like this?“ The only logical answer Sascha could think of was a protest: „You can't think that I should translate the Bible... I can't do that!“ „Yes, you can!“. After a minor argument, in which God won, Sascha sat down at his desk and started with what he could translate - Matthew 1: „Adam begat....“

It seemed as if God was asking me: „Kerstin, why do you think I put this on your heart?“ „Lord, you can't seriously mean...“ „Yes, I can!“ „Phew!“

But that was only in the afternoon. At the meeting I met two women again for whom I prayed for healing last week. One said her neck problems have gone away since then. And she could sleep without any problems. The other said nothing has changed.

Another woman wrote me some feedback: „So far I can only say that I've been able to sleep through the night since the prayer - I haven't been able to do that for a long time. And my husband says I'm happier and more relaxed. I trust God for the rest of the physical healing.“ That's a 50:50 ratio of obviously answered prayers to prayers where nothing recognisable has happened so far.

Measured against my previous prayers for healing, where the ratio of answered to unanswered prayers was more like 1:100 or 1:1000, I find this quite encouraging. It's not about „success“ in the sense of medals, but about wanting to learn to serve suffering people in the authority of Jesus - and to do so as effectively as possible - perhaps similar to how an evangelist wants to learn to share the gospel in such a way that many people understand and accept it.

After the meeting, the dream came back to me - and since two women here have the same name as the friend I dreamt about. So I asked: „Did you have an operation that you now regret?“ One woman said no. The other said „Yes!“ As a young woman, she was persuaded to have a caesarean section, which was probably not really medically necessary, but had negative consequences for her body. She was happy that I wanted to pray for her. We did that straight away. I find it exciting that God uses dreams to make me aware of things that I can't know. And if God uncovers a problem, then I assume that he also wants to heal it.

And then another woman told me that I gave her an impulse at the conference that helped her a lot. I felt that God was telling her not to worry about her calling and future now, that God would not tell her that now, but would show her step by step at the right time. Because I couldn't think of the English word for headache, I explained to her that the German word for headache is to break your whole head if you think too much about things that you can't solve just yet. That really helped her to become more relaxed.

Some of the group then prayed for Sua and me because it was our last meeting together. One of the men felt that God wants to use me to bring colour where others can only think in black and white. I found that as exciting as it was beautiful.

Later, when I went for a walk in glorious weather and stood by a small waterfall, I thought about the impulse. I think when it comes to healing, many people only think in black and white. Either God heals. Or not. Either you have a special gift of healing or you don't. Either God wants to heal. Or he doesn't. Either healing flows like a waterfall through a person mightily used by God. Or it is like a desert.

I believe the picture is actually much more colourful. Where a word of encouragement is spoken, healing flows. Some people are used by God more in the area of spiritual or social healing. Others more physically. Medical healing and divine healing sometimes go hand in hand. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they work together. Sometimes they almost work against each other. Healing is a gift that you are given. Healing is a gift that can be trained, everyone can heal - I truly believe that, just as every disciple of Jesus can share the gospel. Some have a special gift for it. Healing is colourful. Infinitely colourful.

Like nature, through which God's breath flows. On my long walk, I marvelled at the spring trees swaying in the wind, the spotted ! English sheep grazing in a meadow - I've never seen anything like it. My swan family came out again and one of the chicks showed me a trick that he or she had just learnt: flapping their wings and standing up in the water. I was proud of the little one!

And in one corner there were mosquitoes cavorting on and tadpoles dancing under the water. I remembered Psalm 29, which talks about how the whole of creation vibrates with the breath of God... I didn't really remember it, I thought it said: The Spirit of God does it all. But the psalm says „The voice of God...“ But since the voice of God only says and does what the Spirit of God says, that fits.

 

God is and revitalises wonderfully. Diverse. Colourful.