Inner shifts. Or: when God gives new perspectives

In the morning, the friend of the woman I had prayed for yesterday asked me to pray for physical healing. If only they knew how new this is for me!!! But the prayer was simply beautiful. Jesus showed some of the knots between body and soul in prayer. And then we prayed for healing.

How good that there are people who can see things where you still have blind spots. Because Rob, who normally looks after us, is currently on holiday for a week, a woman from the team came here to meet me and ask me how I was doing.

I told her about my first successes, but also about the frustration, about the disappointment towards God, that I had only experienced so few healings here so far, and so on.

She had the brilliant idea of asking me if I knew the feeling of disappointment from before and if so, when. We asked God to show us whether the current „feeling“ of not being seen and heard by God in my requests and hopes is stuck in old, unresolved experiences.

After a period of silence, we exchanged ideas. She had the impression that it had to do with being 10 years old. I had several scenes of experiences that had happened when I was 10 years old!

One of them was that I - like the other children in my home village - was a sign bearer for the fire brigades from other villages at a fire brigade festival in our village. My mum had helped me to make a beautiful sign. The firemen tipped us children for carrying the signs. One mark per person. I carried the sign for a small group of eight firefighters and therefore got eight marks. Some of my friends had groups of 50 or even 120 men. And they were tipped immeasurably. I was deeply saddened that I only got so little. The thought settled in my mind „The others get more and better than me!“ And with it came deep sadness.

The thought „The others get something, I don't“ and the associated feeling of disappointment and helplessness comes up from time to time. Especially recently towards God, when I see that other people receive gifts or presents from him that I would also like to receive.

We then asked for comfort and asked God to show me what the truth is. I then only had the sentence in my head „Sometimes you're lucky, sometimes you're unlucky. Sometimes you get something, sometimes you don't!“ A banal truth. But still deeply comforting. It's unrealistic to expect that you'll always get the best places in life - so where would the others go?

Later, I saw a sign on the internet from the London Underground: „If you're having a bad day today, remember that Ron Wayne sold his 10% share in Apple for $800 in 1976. Today that share would be worth 58,056,210,000 dollars.“ That's really bad luck! If you like. Wayne himself says in an interview that he has no regrets about leaving Apple. His peace of mind was more important to him.

The conversation and prayer time with Claire was very revealing for me. I wonder how often I and other people perhaps project thoughts and feelings onto God that have nothing, but really nothing, to do with Him, but arise from unhealed pain. It can be useful to ask yourself and God: How did I recognise these thoughts or feelings? When did they first appear in my life?.

I want to keep that in mind. If I should again have the idea of reproaching God for something that does not correspond to his nature, then I want to ask myself: Where did I get this feeling from? And ask God to heal old pain and reveal his truth to me instead.

At the end, she told me something exciting. She said that the dream with the fattening costume could also mean my frustration of wanting to break through in certain areas and not experiencing a breakthrough. And that God will use my experience with it to empathise with others who are struggling really hard in one area or another and haven't had a breakthrough yet.

Yes, I can really empathise with that. And how.