Seeing the good - an exercise
When I entered the underground, it was already there: a paper bag from the organic market was sitting alone on a whole row of seats. I could see coconut milk and a soup.
Shortly after me, a homeless woman enters the underground. She sells the homeless newspaper and asks for donations. I show her the bag with the words: „Someone forgot this. Why don't you take it with you?“ She asks several times if that's okay. Another woman and I encourage her. The shopper was obviously no longer in the car and the groceries would probably just be thrown away at the next cleaning. Nobody puts things like that in the lost property office.
When I get out of the car, the homeless woman is standing next to me with a beaming face: I haven't eaten anything this healthy for a long time. I don't even know if I can stomach it. Everything about her shows how happy she is.
I wonder how the person who forgot the bag felt. They were probably annoyed with themselves. How could I have been so stupid?. Or thought in self-pity: Something like this always has to happen to me. It probably didn't occur to her that her oversight had brought happiness into someone else's life.
We all tend to get annoyed when mishaps happen or things don't work out. The bus has driven away in front of us, our tights get a run in them on the way to the lecture, our favourite yoghurt is sold out and the great jeans are no longer available in our size.
Negative scenarios
We tend to only visualise the negative scenarios in such situations.
We think for sure.
- We are too late
- People think we are sloppy
- We are always unlucky
- Now I have nothing to wear
- ....
Anyone who automatically assumes that misfortunes have negative consequences will go through life unhappier overall and feel like a victim more often. They will find it more difficult to trust God and life.
Positive scenarios
If you want to go through life happier, you can simply imagine that perhaps, just perhaps, what is happening could also have positive effects.
Maybe...
- ... the fresh air is good for me right now / ... the next bus is not so full / ... I meet new people
- ...people like the fact that I'm not perfect. / ...I give someone the chance to help me...
- ... there was salmonella in the yoghurt / ... it's good for me to try something new, not to be too set in my ways.
- ... it makes sense to clear out my wardrobe first before I buy something new (tip: here's a Challenge from me)
Anyone who also considers the positive possibility has more
The reality?!
The reality is that we generally have no way of knowing the exact impact of our actions. The grocery shopper will never know that their forgotten bag has made someone else happy.
Only rarely do we learn that the supposedly negative had positive effects. For example, that a friend is happy to stop the run with colourless nail polish and that a small piece of connection between two people has happened.
Or as in the story of Joseph in the Bible, who was sold into slavery by his brothers, which ultimately led to him being able to save the lives of his whole family and many others during a famine.
Or like Antonis Mavropoulos, who recently missed a flight because he was two minutes late at the gate. Of course he was annoyed. But only until the police took him aside when he checked in for the next flight. Why didn't he go on the flight? The Boeing 737 Max 8 aircraft he was supposed to be flying had crashed.
In most cases, we never experience the positive twists and turns. But of course these cases also exist.
Considering the good conceivable - an exercise
Allowing the good in our thoughts is not self-deception. After all, we usually have no way of knowing how something will turn out. Recognising this truth is healthy humility: I don't know everything. I don't even know 100% how exactly this situation will have a negative impact.
When we practise thinking the possible good, we keep our brain flexible and protect ourselves from becoming narrow-minded and entrenched in our thinking.
In addition to the stress hormones, we also emit some happiness hormones that are good for our body and soul. This ensures a more relaxed view of the world and better health. That alone is worth it.
Tip
A collection of questions from me. Questions that help you to change your perspective and learn to think more flexibly. Get them here
