What really makes you happy
The most important things in life are not things. - Wisdom of life
What makes us happy?
In the new Coaching book I wrote about the Harvard study. This is the world's longest long-term study on happiness and well-being, which has been running since 1938. The study analyses the lives of 724 men, their wives and over 2000 children and grandchildren.
Some of the participants studied at the elite Harvard University, including the later President John F. Kennedy. Others were young people from the poorest neighbourhoods of Boston. Some became doctors, others bricklayers. Some rose socially, others fell.
The participants were surveyed every two years. There were also health checks, mental health examinations and comparisons of life histories.
The result: the main factor for happiness and health is not money, fame or status - nor diets and super health - but reliable, supportive, loving social relationships.
The head of the study summarises the results: "Good relationships make us happier and healthier. Full stop."
Other important findings from this and other studies:
- Strengthen social connections: People who are more closely connected with family, friends or their community are happier, healthier - and live longer. They have lower rates of illness, sleep better, recover more quickly from stress, are less likely to become depressed and have a stronger immune system. Loneliness, on the other hand, has a toxic effect on body and soul.
- The quality of the contacts also counts: Those who feel safe and secure in their relationships remain clearer in their minds and more stable in their souls in old age. However, living with conflict, e.g. in a long-term, stressful relationship, is more detrimental to health than loneliness.
- Good relationships protect the brainOld people who feel connected to others retain their mental clarity for longer. On the other hand, those who believe they can't really rely on anyone deteriorate more quickly. Loneliness increases the risk of heart attack, dementia and premature death - comparable to smoking or being very overweight.
That's why the best investment in your quality of life is to promote interpersonal closeness, to trust, to forgive, To love people and to be there for them. Then you will experience more joy in everyday life, more meaning and have more energy - even in challenging times. Relationships do not protect you from pain - but they carry you through it.
Our priorities are a little crazy
The result of these similar studies is clear: good relationships make us happier and healthier.
The crazy thing is that very few people set themselves goals for relationships.
At the beginning of the year, you set goals for nutrition, fitness and career, Clean up. And that's a good thing.
But very few people think about it: How can I improve relationships, because this has the greatest impact on quality of life and also on mental and emotional health.
Your life - your goals
The good thing is: you get a second chance. Just think about what could be a concrete goal for you.
Goals could be, for example
- Deepen existing relationships
- Make new contacts
- Experiencing more with others - this often strengthens relationships more than "just" talking.
My tip:
Think specifically about what your relationship goal is for the second half of the year. And how you want to realise it.
And of course: I won't leave you alone, but will offer you very practical help.
Three ideas for strengthening relationships
Books: The Coaching book and the books Love and Friends give you lots of ideas on how you can strengthen and improve relationships.
The webinar Closeness. Three ways to deepen relationships shows you how you can build and maintain real closeness and a deeper connection.
The 365 ideas for couples and friends give you lots of ideas for free or low-cost activities that strengthen relationships.
In the calendar Your best life 2026 and in the spiral calendar 365 days full of life there are also plenty of tips for activities that strengthen relationships.
In short, it's not too late to invest heavily in relationships this year.
I wish you to experience the richness of relationships.
