Always stay relaxed!

Have you ever wondered why you often feel paralysed in stressful moments, while others seem to remain calm and composed? Perhaps you remember situations in which the request "Take it easy!" was anything but helpful. Read on to discover why being relaxed is out of place in really dangerous situations and what you need to be relaxed from the depths and master everyday challenges more confidently.

Imagine this: You're just getting off the tram and an orange Mini overtakes you on the right. It hits you and you fall to the ground. The car rolls over your left foot and stops. A painful and stressful situation, isn't it?

I tried to take off my shoe to free my foot. But helpful passers-by had a better idea. They asked the driver to reverse. That way I was able to free my foot. Luckily for me, my foot was only bruised.

Why looseness doesn't always fit

"Take it easy!" - In a situation like this, that would be totally out of place. In really dangerous situations, we have to act quickly and find solutions. Relaxation is not appropriate.

The problem? We are often tense even when there is no danger to our lives. Whether during a lecture, an embarrassing situation or an argument - we are not relaxed and ask ourselves: Why?

The root of the tension

Relaxation cannot simply be switched on in your head. Tension comes from emotions such as insecurity, fear, shame or anger. They flood us and take away our relaxed attitude.

Should we then fight against these feelings? Sometimes yes. As a coach, I work with methods that regulate such emotions. For example, the fear of flying or speaking in front of an audience. After just one or two hours, many people feel more relaxed.

The biggest key: filling up emotional tanks

The best thing you can do to loosen up: Top up your emotional tanks. Looseness happens when you feel safe, connected, joyful and a little proud. These feelings make you more resilient.

If something goes wrong or you are criticised, it won't upset you so easily. Even if - metaphorically speaking - a Mini runs over your foot.

4 feelings that strengthen you

Science describes four emotions that strengthen you:

Healthy pride - on your performance or effort.
Security - the feeling of being safe and stable.
Connectedness - with people, God or nature.
Lightness and wonder - Moments that make you smile.

A powerful prayer

There is even a prayer in the Bible that - in my view - contains all four prayers.
feels included. I often pray it at the beginning of the day:

Lord, bless me (lightness), enlarge my territory (pride), help me (solidarity) and keep pain and disaster away from me (safety). - 1 Chronicles 4:10

I pray it often and feel how it gives me lightness and confidence.

12 questions for more good feelings

Remember moments when you felt these feelings:

Healthy pride:

What did I do really well?
What important thing have I done?
Where did I exert myself?

Security:

What calms me down?
Where do I feel safe?
Which things have I organised well?

Connectedness:

Who helped me?
Who encouraged me?
When did I feel connected?

Tips for you to better understand your emotions:

I recommend the online course: "Feel better about myself. Learning to understand and control emotions."
Or the Lea online course for more lightness: "LEA: New lightness in life."

Or the Quadros: