What does the Greek word for nine and tips from the life of a wildcat have to do with your relationships? Well, you'll find out today.

This blog post deals thematically with the element of life Relationship & closeness from my Swing-concept of the 8+1 elements of life.

Some people only need a few seconds to win the sympathy of others. Others find it difficult.

Relationship is the ability to build and maintain a strong connection with other people. Two or more people become very important to each other, trust each other and have taken each other to their hearts.

The element Relationship & closeness I associate it with closeness, connection, love, trust, care, devotion and listening to each other. You can only create a relationship with a counterpart. That's why we chose the colour red and the icon of two people for this element of life.

Lions are the most sociable big cats. Unlike the other four big cat species - tiger, leopard, jaguar and snow leopard - they live in prides. A pride consists of three to ten, sometimes exceptionally more, related females and their offspring. Not only is hunting more successful in a pride, but life is also safer overall. Anyone who observes lions soon realises that they live in relationships. And they have fixed rules for these relationships.

What is a relationship?

A relationship usually expresses the connection and closeness between two (sometimes more) people.

Without relationships and closeness, it gets lonely. Some people never develop a clear concept for their lives - which is admittedly not that easy because there are so many possibilities. These people feel cut off and long for more connection with others. At the same time, they are often at a loss and don't know how to make the connection or expect others to approach them - often in vain.

Relationships are not usually built in large blocks, but in small stones - a small gift, sharing a piece of your heart, showing a little more of yourself than you usually do. We often keep a safe distance and reveal little of ourselves - but it is precisely sharing that connects us.

Definitions of relationship

To this day, science cannot offer an all-encompassing, uniquely valid definition of friendship/relationship.

The definition of Relationship could be quite simple. But when two or more people orientate their thoughts, actions and feelings towards each other - in marriage, in a club, at work, in life as a whole - it quickly becomes clear that in reality, relationships are sometimes quite complicated. It doesn't work without love for the other person.

Love is a feeling. A wonderful one. 

We know very different forms of love 

• Friendly affection
• Family ties 
• Erotic attraction 

But love is more than "just" a feeling. Love also has the aspect of active action. Love that expresses itself by doing something for the other person. Ideally, something that the person wants. 

There are also people who force their care on you and call it love, even though you don't want it yourself. 

The Author Gary Chapman distinguishes five ways of expressing love - he calls them the five languages of love. 

1. Tenderness 
2. Undivided attention 
3. Gifts
4. Practical assistance 
5. Words of appreciation 

There are certainly still many nuances - for me, for example, love is also thinking about what topics interest me and giving me tips for good books or lectures. 

Everyone has a favourite language in which they express and receive love.

One person likes to help others. Another prefers to give his fellow human beings undivided attention. 

And one person is particularly happy about loving, appreciative words. And someone else is delighted with flowers and gifts (good chocolate always works, I think!) 

According to Gary Chapman, it is important that we empathise with the other person when expressing love: What is important to him or her, in which "language" does our love resonate most deeply with him or her? 

Everyone is normal

... until you get to know him.

In his book with this title he writes John Ortberg about how you can experience the life-changing power of a community in which you value, respect and love each other. But ... Sometimes the other person is so different.

One person loves it perfect and tidy, the other needs a bit of creative chaos. One enjoys his retreat, the other thrives. The third finds it beneficial if he can stick to one thing, while the next almost dies if he has no variety.

And every person has weaknesses that are either charming or even pleasant for others ("oh how stimulating he talks") or annoying ("he talks incessantly").

The art of relaxed interaction consists of

• Understanding what the other person needs
• Stay relaxed when weaknesses occur

We humans are different.

Based on the Enneagram, I will now give you two tips per type. You can try them out. And share them with others.

The Enneagram

 "The Ennea-what?" Many people are taken aback when they encounter this term for the first time. The Greek name means nothing other than nine (ennea) and descriptions (gram).

The Enneagram is an ancient theory of types that describes nine different personality patterns. Unlike other type theories, which often only describe four basic types, the Enneagram is much more nuanced and describes aspects of personality in detail.

Certain basic patterns of thinking and feeling are simply more pronounced in certain types than in others. For example, there are Fives who are often worried about not understanding something, or Sevens who are afraid of being bored. The basic patterns then have an effect on behaviour.

It's not about pinning someone down and putting them in a box: "That's just who you are." That's what I thought when I first came into contact with the Enneagram. As a Seven, I was annoyed by what it described as the weaknesses of my personality type, such as being flighty and jumping back and forth.

I wanted to be deeply philosophical and thoughtful. The fact is: I'm not. I'm constantly interested in new topics and projects. This is one of my great strengths and a weakness that I am learning to deal with better - also with the help of the Enneagram. I can also deal with others better

Tips for dealing with the types

Ones - the improvers / perfectionists

• Need: The certainty that things are being done correctly. Clear agreements and recognition through good performance are important here.
• Relaxation: Ones often stress others by constantly finding further points of criticism. It is important that you think and feel: This is not meant personally. They are only concerned with the matter at hand.

Zweier - the helpers

• Need: Appreciation: "I like you!" They often care more about the needs of others, so they need the reminder to look at their own needs too.
• Relaxation: Ones can also overwhelm others with their care: "Another piece of cake?" "I'll do that for you! "It's helpful to distance yourself here: "How nice that you want to do something good for me. But I don't want that right now."

Three - the makers / winners

• Need: Recognition and admiration for their achievements. And new goals again and again. They can sometimes push themselves and others too hard and need boundaries.
• Relaxation: The boasting of the threesome can be annoying. But when Threes talk about their achievements ("bragging"), it's not an attempt to devalue others, but a desire to be seen for their performance.

Foursome - the romantics

• Need: The security of being seen as individual and unique. They tend to focus on what is missing in life, in the team, in relationships. And where appropriate, show them what good things they have and where their glass is at least half full,
• Relaxation: Foursomes can lose themselves in their feelings, in melancholy and melodrama and thus exhaust others. Take this as a call to "please see me".

Fives - the researchers

• Need: The certainty that they know enough about something to have an informed opinion. They also quickly feel pressurised and need space and distance, but also clear rules so that they don't get lost in the details.
• Relaxation: Fives need a lot of space to retreat and often don't reply to messages for days. Don't take this personally and be patient until they turn up again.

Sixth - the sceptics

• Need: Knowing that you have security and support is very important. Show them that you have thought things through well and have also factored in difficulties.
• Relaxation: Sixes can be exhausting with their view of everything that could happen. Practise seeing this as a gift: They protect you from danger.

Seven - the optimists

• Need: Joy, lightness and fun. You give them a gift when you give them freedom and varied tasks. At the same time, it can be good for Sevens if you help them to focus and allow themselves to experience unpleasant feelings.
• Relaxation: The constant jumping to the next thing that the sevens have mastered can be annoying. Try to take pleasure in their enjoyment of new things.

Eight - the leaders

• Need: The security of having things (and sometimes people) under control. You need either leadership positions or strong leadership and clear announcements.
• Relaxation: Eights are often very aggressive in discussions. See this as an attempt to create closeness. They love intensity and want to hear what the other person wants and thinks.

Nine - the peacemakers

• Need: They need harmony inside and out. You will do them good if you avoid unnecessary conflict and create a harmonious environment. You can also help them make decisions by reducing the options.
• Relaxation: With their inertia and difficulty in making up their minds, they can be exhausting. See this as an attempt to maintain harmony within yourself.

Challenge:

Now it's your turn

• Think about it: Who from your environment do you recognise in one of the descriptions? It could also be yourself.
• Practise: Choose a person and try to implement the tips

We can all grow in love - whether with our partner, children, acquaintances or colleagues.

1. Idea: Think of one thing you can do to show love to someone, depending on their type 
2. Make: Do it. 

The "strong as a lion" tips, the content of this post and the challenges are from past LEO lessons. Did you like that? LEO is also a relationship, because it is a fixed group of people travelling together. As a LEO participant you get

• weekly input by e-mail and through webinars,
• an exchange group that supports and accompanies you,
• Challenges, checklists and action plans to help you make concrete progress

LEO is based on the swing concept for a balanced, strong life. LEO includes all 8+1 necessary elements for a strong life. LEO is scientifically based.

Do you have good intentions and want to become fitter, tidier and more determined, but your inner bastard always gets in the way and nothing comes of it? You want to live in community and long for a partner with whom you can tackle these issues. BUT

• You don't even know where to start - there are so many possibilities?
• Have you planned something, but then life gets in the way?
• Feeling discouraged and alone?

You are worth having a really good life. LEO supports you with input and professional guidance to really achieve your goals.

You no longer have to get stuck!

LEO. Live strong as a lion makes you stronger and takes you further. We will open the doors again in July.

The swing balance concept 

click on the graphic for an enlarged view

I will soon be making a free live webinar to the 8+1 elements of life.

I'll explain what you need for a strong, crisis-proof life.

And I'll show you how you can easily incorporate these elements into your life step by step.

So that you are no longer ruled by insecurity, but can say with confidence: I can lead a secure life - even if the circumstances are shaky.

After the input, I will take the time to answer your questions - for a few hours if necessary.

Register now to be part of it.

Yes, I would like to be there

 

 

The special feature of the Swing-Concept is that while it is important for a fulfilled life that all elements are present in life, it doesn't matter where and how you live them out. 

Whether vision and creativity unfold at work or in leisure time is not so important - the main thing is that they find space in life at all.

Online you can do a test herewhich element of life is currently being neglected.

Here you can read an entertaining summary about Swing read in the blog.