Decide with foresight - without being manipulated

We’ve all been there: you make a decision, either on your own or with others – and a few days or weeks later, you realise that you’re not happy with that decision, or even feel that you’ve been manipulated. The reason for this may be a lack of focus.

When making a decision, it is wise to keep the bigger picture in mind – all the factors that are important to it. There are two levels to this:

General values / factors:

The values and principles that are generally important to us in life and which should play a universal role in all our decisions. It can be useful to identify the 5–10 most important values that influence almost all our decisions. And to bear in mind that other people have different values.

Situation-specific values/factors:

The aspects that are important in a particular situation.

Here’s an example: A person is responsible for maintaining the railway station pictured above. They notice that the vegetation is beginning to overgrow the tracks.

If, in addition to his general values and principles, If loyalty to his employer is one of the values that are particularly important to him, he won’t find it difficult. However, if nature conservation is an extremely important value for him, he may find it a struggle to pull up the weeds. Another value might be efficiency – achieving a great deal quickly. Or thoroughness – doing everything as perfectly as possible.

Depending on the situation The importance of safety for passengers might also be a factor – or aesthetics… or working efficiency, or green spaces.

Depending on his own values, he will pull up plants with varying degrees of vigour.

Wide view / Close-up

As well as general and specific values, focus also plays a part. Let’s suppose the plants could talk. And say to the staff member: „Don’t be so cruel. We’re so beautiful. It hurts us when you pull us out. That’s mean.“

If he focuses on this one aspect – the plant’s subjective well-being – he may decide to leave it where it is – and possibly regret it later – when he realises that he did not take into account other aspects that were important to him when deciding what to do.

This often happens when people manipulate others, whether consciously or unconsciously. They draw attention to one For example, „I feel so awful“ or „This bargain price is only available this week!“ In the end, you make the decision because of the one aspect – and feels bad about it. It’s often only with hindsight that you realise you’ve made a decision that wasn’t entirely right. And you realise that other important aspects weren’t taken into account.

Different values – focusing on different aspects

When conflicts and arguments arise, it is usually the case that the parties involved are focusing on different aspects. For example, two people might be arguing about the best holiday destination – for one, relaxation and rest are important, whilst for the other, low costs and the chance to get online now and then are key. In situations like this, it helps to call a halt.

Rather than continuing to put forward arguments as to why a secluded mountain hut or a youth hostel in the city is so great, it makes sense to be transparent about the factors on which the decision is based. That makes it easier to find a solution.

Incidentally, you can also manipulate yourself. You might have a general desire to develop yourself further – and be saving money specifically to afford further training. Then you’re walking down the high street and spot a great item of clothing at a special price. A real bargain. A steal. Then your „inner bargain hunter“ turns its attention to the special offer. And focuses solely on the price. The other values – spending money wisely, not owning anything unnecessary, personal development – are „talked down“ or not mentioned at all – the one This aspect is overemphasised.

There are many decisions you make with complete confidence – and rather well. In such cases, there’s no point in complicating matters unnecessarily. However, it is precisely in situations where decisions often leave a bitter aftertaste that it makes sense to choose carefully.

Tips for making good decisions:

1. Draw up a general list of your own most important values – the ones that come into play in most of your decisions.

2. Make a note of the factors that are important for the decision at hand.

3. If someone tries to manipulate you, call a halt and say: „I need a moment to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.“

4. Take a look at the whole picture – and all the factors involved – and then make a decision.

 

Book tip For anyone who would like to explore the topic of decision-making in greater depth:

Markus Splitt: Make a decision. Inspiration for making the right choice.

Also as E-Book available.