Not broke yet, but tired
Today I woke up with a leaden tiredness. In body and soul.
Body: The fall a few weeks ago, the injuries to my thigh, the stretched ligament...everything is healing slowly...but it's stressful to be in pain for weeks on end and to feel the restrictions. On top of that, I caught a cold at a marvellous summer party, which unfortunately took place outside in non-summer temperatures. And poor sleep as a result. On top of that, tense muscles... my body is pretty tired right now.
Soul:
- Laborious work: Progress is being made on the ship. Step by step. But I never thought there would be so many more steps. And so much small stuff that needs to be done...drill heads that break off or equipment like a large Flex that breaks .... and needs to be replaced. Yesterday, for example, we started preserving the tanks. The ship has two large diesel tanks. They were professionally cleaned by a company and all residues were removed. Now they have to be repainted. We had left all the access holes open after cleaning - but two of them had never been opened. To do this, the floor above had to be removed first. Then the screws could be loosened - 34 of them each, stubborn, hard-to-reach screws. It took 3 hours. I was grateful for Dan, one of the five men helping out, for fighting his way through - and for Isaac and Renan, who then painted the tanks - really hard work. I'm so grateful for the young men who fought their way through it. 
- Disappointments: I had actually already been verbally promised a berth and had already received the rental contract to sign. Then there were one or two things to clarify...and this week I got the cancellation: unfortunately it won't work out. Phew! Starting all over again with the search for a nice, centrally located, safe berth - that's no fun.
- Not very nice: In my seminars on stress, life in balance, etc., I often tell people that when you're stressed, you don't just need to relax, but also to do nice things that replenish your heart and your inner tanks. This also applies to me!
- Blessing and trouble: Especially when it comes to finances, I experience both: blessings in the form of unexpected gifts - last week, for example, from a woman I met once in my life - at a women's conference I spoke at. But also, week after week, selling individual books on Amazon, various items on Ebay and more to somehow raise more money for the project.
What I want to do to cheer up again
- Physical energy: Go to bed early, sleep late, eat healthy things, exercise!
- Making space for beautiful things.... Despite the time and financial constraints, I always invest space, time and money to experience beautiful things that refuel my soul... (I also like to be given gifts here, especially because my own resources are very limited): Today I recharged my batteries: a long phone call with a dear friend, coffee at the Royal Garden Academy in the warm sunshine with an inspiring article and then three hours in the botanical garden. The batteries aren't fully charged yet.
- Small escapes / time-outs: I dream of a kayak so that I can go for a paddle every now and then after the hard work on the boat...and occasionally take a break in a beautiful, relaxing place.
- Trying out new things....I already have an idea! You can look forward to it!
What her can do to cheer me up
I just realised that the word cheering up is the opposite of tiring out...some people and situations tire out...others cheer up!
- Invite you to nice events, adventures...is of course a question of time, emotional and physical energy....but don't be afraid to ask if I'd like to take part in something nice...who knows, maybe it will work....
- Gifts: I admit, I love presents. Whether small or large gifts for my ship project that signalise: You are not alone...or something nice, tasty or a voucher for something I wouldn't otherwise treat myself to...I love it when a gift expresses something: I want to make you happy...you are not alone.
- Encouragement with words: I am a woman of words. Encouragement is always good...words, prayers...a beautiful quote - reminders of truths that I may not be so aware of at the moment, words of appreciation almost always touch me and often cheer me up a lot.
But now it's time to go to bed, read a good book... and fortify myself for tomorrow.
Two days later:
That was a good match. Ebay classifieds offered 2 kayaks for a total of 100 euros. Old but ok. A man with a minibus was just on board (only the man on board, the bus stayed on the shore) and picked them up for me on the outskirts of Berlin.
Now I just need paddles for it...then the recreational paddling can go off - if you want to sponsor the kayaks, paddles and the recreation you can do so via Paypal - link on the right - I would be very happy!
Three days later:
I'm beginning to suspect that I must have had a minor concussion on Sunday. On Saturday, I hit a steel beam on the boat with all my momentum when I went up from a squatting position. Steel is harder than bone. The physiotherapist, who was actually treating me for my leg, also looked at my head and said that the blow had caused the treatment to stall...phew. No wonder I felt like I'd been beaten to death!
dear Kerstin,
thank you for your update...i will gladly pray for you and wish you much strength and insight for the tasks ahead, and the right people by your side who can take tasks off your hands and thus preserve your reserves of strength.
all my love,
petra
Thanks Petra, I have a 10-day seminar in Switzerland coming up - but it's timed so that I have a lot of free time...I'll take time to think about it as well as enjoy it: What can I delegate etc. Thank you for your prayers!
Sounds very good, dear Kerstin...swimming also helps me to switch off or think...water over my head helps me to become calmer and „clearer“ inside... :)
It was brave women who rebuilt Germany when it lay in ruins, who looked after the children and farm in the absence of all men capable of war and many who were actually incapable of war - and it is brave women who give a man incentive, support and encouragement.
Kerstin, you are such a brave woman.
You had a vision and throughout your life you have been committed to helping other people, you live your strengths by listening to people attentively, giving decisive advice at certain points and supporting people in developing their own creative potential, getting to know their own limits, releasing some blockages and making their own lives more worth living, experiencing liberation. All this leads to your vision of converting a ship and creating a small seminar room, living space and hostel.
Kerstin, you had no idea about boatbuilding and over the past few months you have learnt an unspeakable amount, often pushed yourself to your limits and experienced highs and lows. Like any brave woman, you never give up. You set yourself achievable goals, you integrate other people, you awaken the longing in many people to overcome and realise seemingly impossible things and you offer the opportunity to become part of this whole story - so that you can help those helpers and supporters to come to terms with themselves, their lives and their life situation in a new way.
Bravery is a precious virtue, in combination with love and passion, dedication and goal-orientation along with composure, it is a royal quality. You are royalty - even with rust dust and bruises - and with this attitude you will reach your goal safely and well, along with all your loyal followers and fellow campaigners.
What makes you alive is not the cramp and dirt, the pain - they are all just a means to an end in order to experience help, to overcome powerlessness, to be able to meet people who are broken and to experience how it feels to experience low blows again and again, how much strength and confidence it takes to get up again and again, to immerse yourself again and again in the balance of equalisation, the alternating bath of exertion and recovery, tension and relaxation.
Best wishes and blessings of sunshine
Tobias
THANK YOU, Tobias, for the encouragement! Blessings to you too!