"Say "yes

In light of recent events:

Saying ‘yes’ – accepting and supporting one another

Love is the decision to embrace a person in their entirety, whatever the details may be. – Otto Flake

Millions of people from all over the world watched as Prince William of England and Catherine Middleton tied the knot in April 2011. What is it about these two letters (or, in English, five „I will’s“) that they never fail to move people to tears at every wedding ceremony, and that millions of people want to see and hear them?.

It is probably not so much the words themselves that move us, but what lies behind them. The commitment to accept the other person, to stand by them, to support them. The promise to be by their side through thick and thin and to strengthen one another.

Everyone needs to hear others say, „Yes, I do – I want you. I accept you just as you are. I stand by you just as you are. I’ll walk with you just as you are.“ And any love that is to last needs this very fundamental „yes“ to one another. You accept the other person just as they are. Completely. They don’t exist any other way. That ‘yes’ accepts reality. It doesn’t mean you have to think every single one of your partner’s traits is fantastic – that would be unrealistic. But hidden within that ‘yes’ lies the decision to stand by the other person.

A genuine „yes“ is unconditional. It is not dependent on circumstances, on health, illness, or on good times and bad. Rather, it is rooted in the decision to stand by the other person wholeheartedly.

That „big“ „yes“ can and should be renewed time and again if you want your love to last. Amidst the trials and tribulations of everyday life, you see many things in your partner that are more likely to elicit a „no“: one or two of their quirks. The toothpaste tube that’s always left open, bad habits or a lack of empathy. Love begins to falter when you lose sight of the fact that that ‘yes’ is not based on your partner’s perfection, but on your own decision to choose them in their entirety.

Perhaps the „I do“ at weddings moves us so deeply because it has something divine about it and reminds us that a faithful partner is offering us an eternal, unbreakable covenant for time and eternity. Not because we are perfect – we are all far from it – but because he loves us.

A couple would do well to remind themselves time and again that saying „yes“ to one another is not based on the other person’s good behaviour, but on their own decision to stand by him or her. Such an unconditional „yes“ forms the foundation of a lasting partnership – even if it is not always celebrated as lavishly as it was in England in 2011.

The text is an unedited extract from my new book, *Love. Plain and Simple.*, which is due to be published in September.

The first book in the series, *Prayer: Simple and Moving*, was recently published by Down to Earth Publishing House Published in collaboration with SCM R. Brockhaus