Soul hangover. Or: When things go differently

Soul hangover. That's my word for the exhaustion you feel when you've had so much going on inside that your soul is exhausted. Just like after a moving conference or an intensive seminar, when physical tiredness mixes with exhaustion in the soul. That is completely natural.

When the brain learns a lot of new things, it forms new synapses to store the new information. This costs energy. That's missing elsewhere. That was my experience. I'd had an intensive week, constantly learning and trying out new things. And I had read a lot on my rest day, but hadn't taken the time to see beautiful things: Water, nature or even just a nice café. Something like that replenishes my soul. I was missing that now. I was exhausted.
There was also a bit of disappointment. I had made an appointment with the ENT doctor to have some weak points checked. The allergy test revealed that my allergy to house dust mites had worsened. Frustration. It wasn't really meant to be like this.
However, my breathing through my nose, which is often a bit laboured, has improved. I had already had an operation. The operation had brought improvement, but not complete success. After all. I can breathe more than the last time I was tested.
And the hearing test also brought improvement. The hearing was so bad in both ears - but particularly on the left - that a hearing aid would have been necessary if it had deteriorated further. The right ear remained the same, the left was slightly better. Thank you, father.
Despite all the joy that God had given me improvement in the most important place, there was still a bit of sadness. I had hoped for and asked for more. Soul hangover. When you have not achieved a desired goal, your soul is sad and exhausted. And it's allowed to be.
If you have to drop out of a marathon prematurely, for example, it's no use if someone tells you: „You can run another marathon!“ You first need time to come to terms with the failure. I think this is also important in spiritual marathons so that you don't fall into something inauthentic in your relationship with God. Yes, God's word stands. Yes, God wants to heal. Yes, God answers prayer. And there are things that I cannot understand. That are simply sad. Sadness is not unbelief. Sadness is the feeling that accompanies sorting. Sorting out what you have to say goodbye to and what remains.
For example, saying goodbye to something you had hoped for. A concrete answer in a specific situation. You can and should say goodbye to that. And see what remains. For example, the hope that God can also provide healing in a different way than we had imagined. And is still good in everything.
For me it means: Saying goodbye to the idea that God would grant the healing before the examination. Not saying goodbye to the idea that it could happen by 15 June. That was obviously not the case.
Not even with Alex, a homeless man I know. After an appointment, I had the impression that I shouldn't go straight home, but should drive to a certain neighbourhood first. On the way there, Adam stood at the side of the road and waved to me. I had a hunch: Ah, God wanted me in this neighbourhood for him. I got off my bike and he told me that he needed an operation on his stomach, but Caritas wouldn't cover the costs. I felt so sorry for him. I had prayed for him weeks ago, but nothing had changed. He didn't feel anything now either. I wished it for him so much!!!
In the evening, a friend prayed for me. I feel a deep sense of peace when I pray. I don't want to get up from the sofa, I just want to sit there and feel God. And I see a picture before my eyes. The graphs that show my hearing ability and that drop steeply downwards from a certain frequency. I see how the curve is raised from below and pushed upwards. And when I pray, I can feel the fluid shifting in my ear. It feels very strange, but pleasant. I sense that God is still working on this construction site.
a friend comes by. We pray together. For an emotional matter and health issues that aren't right with her. She realises that whenever she thinks about certain worries, her back starts to hurt. God speaks deeply to her, brings emotional resolution. And I enjoyed being there, accompanying and encouraging the process. Even though I enjoy it when there is enough time and peace for prayer. When I can listen to God.
I also pray for her pollen allergy. Or rather against the allergy and for her mucous membranes to reconcile with God's marvellous creation and enjoy all its summer glory and beauty. Later, I receive a text message from her: „I can breathe incredibly well tonight!“ How marvellous.