Antwerp - my hut: memories of an author

In 2010 I have The hut and me. Trusting God anew, a journey written and in the Down to Earth Publishing House published. For me as an author, it is probably the most personal book I have written.

Because at that time I was stuck: in grief after the break-up of a valuable relationship. At the same time, I was deeply irritated in my life of faith. I was moved by similar questions as the author of the book The Hut - hence the title „The hut and me„.

What was my theme as the author of „The Hut and I“?“

I travelled to my friends' beautiful flat in Antwerp for a week to clarify the question for myself: Can I continue to trust God after all the disappointments - and if so, how? 

It may be that there are people who can work this out in private. I, on the other hand, am usually not so good at it.

I must have spent hours on the satin-covered „throne chair“, praying, crying and looking out of the window. Sometimes I saw people cooking, talking and laughing behind the high windows - or guessed at their activities behind drawn curtains. That helped to clarify things.

Where did I find answers?

Admittedly, some comfort came to me in dreams during this time, others in times of prayer - but I found most of the answers when I was out and about in the city. In art, in encounters and in almost unbelievable coincidences. I often seemed to find exactly what I needed that day. Perhaps I was simply more open to receiving them during these intense days.

As an author, I mainly write guides that incorporate something from my life. This book is different. Here I talk very openly about myself and my pain, my confusion.

That's why The Hut and I have a special place in my heart.

Familiarity is good for me

Being back in Antwerp after a long break is very moving. Also because a lot has remained the same here.

For example, the shop Jaspers, on the right, which gives you the feeling of being transported back to the last century. My friends' beautiful flat has hardly changed. I find it both familiar and inspiring - for me as an author, that's the perfect mix.

Of course: as an author, I need familiarity in order to be able to write in a relaxed and easy-going way. That's why I was just a little startled when I couldn't find the light switch to the bathroom on the spur of the moment. It seems that I haven't been here for far too long.

Obviously the absence was longer than is good for me. The Writing times in Antwerp always have a special quality for me. I have often written about this in my Blog written.

Finding inspiration for myself as an author

In addition to familiarity, I also need inspiration and stimulation. I find plenty of that here - in the new pictures and posters on the walls, the creative design and the beauty of the place.

In addition, my host always leaves the books he is reading open. At the moment, there's one about the Jews in Antwerp, one about Rembrandt, a Bible encyclopaedia, the history of Europe and original texts by various great Europeans - Hildegard Hamm books in English! His Bible is also open at Psalm 99 - 101. I wonder what moved him?

After all, beauty and art can be found on every corner in Antwerp. Classical art from medieval architecture to the paintings and sculptures of the old masters: Rubens, Breughel and more. They form exciting contrasts to the modern art that can also be recognised in the cityscape.

Pure life

Maybe I'm more open to the liveliness here - maybe the Belgians really are more cheerful. But in Germany, I've never heard a shop assistant singing along to all the songs in his shop or a woman telling me straight away that she used to be a stage designer and now sells stuffed animals with her boyfriend.

Or not that I saw the owner of a shop dancing in front of her shop. That's exactly what happened to me yesterday Poppins Bloemen happened, a new flower shop in Antwerp.

Then, a few moments later, a woman who outed herself as a former nanny of „Miss Poppins“ told me details from the story of „Miss Poppins“, who had not had it easy.

Perhaps this is what fuelled her creativity. For example, when she persuaded the owner of a shop that had been empty for six years to rent it to her. The electricity doesn't work properly there, so energy-saving LED chains light up the shop and the creative flower arrangements.

Stories like that touch me. I immediately bought a few cards to bring her a little money in her first week of self-employment. I also told her several times that she was beautiful and that I wished her blessings.

As an author, such experiences are a treasure trove. Perhaps one day „Miss Poppins“ will be mentioned in one of my books. For now, here.

Changes in the city

The city is changing. Even if much remains - such as the sculpture of the giant's hand, which the city hero Bravo cut off and threw away. This is supposedly where the name of the city „Ant-Werpen“ (hand-throwing) comes from.

But some familiar places are disappearing. For example, the café that always serves Belgian chocolates with coffee has gone.

There I philosophised about whether you can recognise God's love by whether there are disgusting orange pralines or melt-in-the-mouth nougat delicacies next to the cup. Intermediate state of my philosophical considerations: It's better not to judge it by that.

Changes in me as an author

In contrast to the time back then, when my soul was sad and my thoughts confused, I experience myself as much more alive than before.

Because I am only rarely in Antwerp, I perceive the contrast here particularly intensely. I can clearly remember how cold and immobile my heart felt back then. Now it is full of life. I have almost cried several times in the last few days because I felt and experienced so many things so intensely.

When I look back, I am grateful that I didn't avoid the pain and the questions, but instead faced up to the confusion. This has also brought colour back into my life. My new book is more colourful than the one I wrote back then. My life too. I think that's wonderful.

And „Henk and Henriette“, whose marital crisis I wrote about in „The hut and me“ are happy together again. But that's another story, which I will tell in the next few days.

A little hint

There are currently only around 50 copies of „Die Hütte und ich“ left. It is not yet clear whether there will be a reprint. If you want the book, it's best to get it soon.

Question

What makes you alive? In faith and in life?