The four phases of love
A friend explained to me the other day that every love goes through four stages (he got that from a clever book).
- Misplaced optimism: the famous rose-tinted glasses
- Well-informed pessimism: A rude awakening to the harsh reality
-Informed optimism: : The other one isn’t actually that bad after all
– Hopeful realism: You know what you do and don’t like about the other person.
He told me that many relationships don’t make the leap from phase 1 to phase 2. When the other person turns out not to be quite as wonderful as you thought, you give up and set out once again in search of someone who is „better“ – someone who suits you better and fulfils more of your dreams.
I reckon that this applies not only to romantic relationships, but also to friendships and even to our relationship with God. At the start, it’s all sunshine and roses: God forgives, God is good, a wonderful new beginning in life and lots of new, wonderful brothers and sisters.
As life goes on, you then realise that God does not grant every wish and dream; some prayers are answered differently or not at all, and even those wonderful brothers and sisters have their own little flaws… just like you do.
If you manage to get through this phase of disillusionment, you realise that God is, after all, good in everything. Other people – despite their quirks – also have many good qualities. And yes, despite everything that may remain unfulfilled, there is still plenty of reason for gratitude and hope.
If you fancy a bit of light-hearted reading about love, I’d recommend this, what children say about love on *Die Sendung mit der Maus*.
