The happiness effect: how a bag of beans can give you an emotional boost
Today I would like to tell you about an elderly lady.
She had a habit of taking a few beans with her when she started the day. She slipped them into her right jacket pocket. Whenever she experienced something special, something that pleased her or went well, she would take a bean out of her right pocket and put it in her left pocket.
These were not big events, she did the same with small things. Over the course of the day, the odd bean would move from right to left. Sometimes two or three, sometimes more. Even if it was only one, the day was a success for the old lady. In the evening, the lady regularly emptied her left pocket and reviewed the special moments of the day with each bean. In this way, she was able to gratefully celebrate these beautiful experiences and successful things once again that day.
It aroused positive feelings:
Healthy pride. Security. Connectedness. Lightness.
Positive emotions give joie de vivre
Many people think that enjoying life is like gambling. Some days it works, other days it's a loser. Anyone who thinks like this makes themselves a victim of events. Joie de vivre is achievable.
If you know which "building blocks" make up joie de vivre, you can ensure that these basic elements are present in sufficient quantities in your own life.
Have fun discovering how you can collect a few beans of joy every day.
How joie de vivre is created
Happiness research has experienced a boom in recent years. People want to find out what it takes to live a happy life.
Research has shown that you need a ratio of 3:1. 3 positive emotions to one negative emotion. When I read this figure for the first time, I groaned inwardly. 3:1 - how is that supposed to work? Many people don't actually achieve this ratio. Their life feels miserable.
The "3:1 people" are doing really well throughout their lives. They have high scores in areas such as self-acceptance, coping with life, strong, positive relationships, stable marriages, health, longevity, personal growth, creativity and openness. On top of that, they are nicer to their fellow human beings than the others.
People with more positive emotions perform better in almost every area of life.
It is therefore well worth discovering and encouraging positive emotions.
Basically, positive emotions are nothing more than physical signals that tell us whether our needs are being met.
You cannot directly influence feelings. A request such as "Gosh, be happy!" will not usually lead to you experiencing more joy.
But there are a few "levers" that influence how much joy we feel.
- More joie de vivre through less ballast
Ballast is a burden. Those who free themselves from ballast often quickly experience more satisfaction and more joy.
- More joie de vivre through reflection
Joy is a feeling. In order to recognise it, it is helpful to practise recognising feelings in the first place. Just like the old lady did with the beans.
- More joie de vivre: life is outside
We experience vitality in activity and encounters. Life is outside. Where the wind blows, the waves curl, people meet, the body moves
Finding happiness in everyday life with reflection
Gretchen Rubin spent a year reading various books and studies on happiness and then tried out what works in a self-experiment. She describes the results in the book The Happiness Project.
She found happiness through, among other things:
More energy, actively practising love and cultivating relationships, pursuing higher goals, practising serenity, playing, cultivating friendships, buying beautiful things, thinking about eternity, practising a passion, practising mindfulness, practising contentment, putting aside perfectionism, ...
It's not so much about great happiness, but rather about increasing the moments of happiness in everyday life. Why?
- It's easier to live happily.
- Happy people are more attractive to others - both for friendships and for choosing a partner.
- The world could do with more happy people.
One of the most beautiful exercises that I myself know for feeling and practising being alive and enjoying life is a variation of the Spiritual Exercises by Ignatius of Loyola.
At the end of the day, you ask yourself:
- When was I least alive today?
- When was I particularly lively today?
If you practise this alone or perhaps with your partner or friends on a regular basis, you will become better and better at recognising what takes away or gives joy in life.
Over time, you can then actively steer yourself to practise more of the activities and attitudes that make you happy and less of those that do not bring you joy.
Challenges - Use the effect of the beans
Take a handful of beans in your right pocket for a day and copy the old lady. How many beans are in your left pocket at the end of the day? Review the moments and enjoy them again.
You want to learn even more empowering reflection techniques. Then I recommend my webinar Reflection.
You will learn how simple reflection tools can help you become stronger and wiser inside.
You can watch it at any time - when it suits you best.
Book it here.
