Give yourself a 5-star rating: The important aspect of self-acceptance

Well done

Some time ago, at a conference for around 120 women, at least 50 % of the women came up to me and told me how much inspiration and help they had received from my presentations. I thought that was really nice and really enjoyed the warm feedback. 

In a way, however, it wouldn't have been necessary. I myself felt that I spoke particularly vividly and freely during these days and that the audience resonated well with me. 

I did really well - within the limits of my possibilities. And sometimes I tell myself that too. 

Being nice to the person who looks at you in the mirror every day is an art. You can learn it.

You just have to ...

Time and again I hear people say something like: "You just have to accept yourself!" to each other.

I don't like this request at all, because it suggests something like: "You're doing it wrong. You just have to accept yourself."

That's the opposite of acceptance. Isn't it? Well, I think that if acceptance were that easy, the person in question would have done it long ago. That's why I'd like to share a few thoughts here that can help with this process.

Thank yourself

Almost everyone agrees that you should treat people with kindness, respect and appreciation. However, there is one person in many people's lives who they constantly treat badly. 

They scold him, grumble about every little thing and constantly accuse him: "How could you be so stupid?" He hardly ever receives any recognition. They treat him like dirt. This person is themselves. If they treated their friends the way they treat themselves, they would hardly have any friends.

Many people expect appreciation from other people and are disappointed when they don't receive it. They hope that compliments from others will satisfy their inner longing for recognition - but this usually doesn't work. In fact, it's usually the case that you can only really accept and absorb the appreciation of others if you appreciate yourself. 

Self-acceptance means fundamentally recognising that we are all a mixture. We have talents and areas where we struggle. Our lives are a mixture of wonderful and terrible experiences - and many aspects in between. There are some things you have to accept as they are. And many things that we can and should be grateful for. 

One way to be more kind to yourself in everyday life can be to berate yourself less in inner dialogues. To be a little more forgiving and gentle with yourself when you make mistakes and mishaps. And to express your appreciation more often instead. Simply say, as you would to a colleague or friend: "You did a good job!" 

I learnt this from God, in whose image I was created. At the end of each day of creation, God paused. He looked at what he had created and said: "That was good!" He evaluates himself and comes to a positive conclusion.

Incidentally, he only awards the top mark of "very good" after he has created man and woman - what an appreciation for us humans! And also a reason for gratitude.

Like God, we can look back on periods of work, encounters or challenges and recognise them with gratitude: What I did was good. 

Discover, what you already like about yourself

I have never met anyone who rejects 100 %. Most people experience a mixture: there are things they like about themselves, other aspects that are acceptable and some areas that they struggle with. 

God gave me beautiful eyes - green-grey and mysterious. I like them. Like everyone, I also have ears - one of them is attached, the other sticks out. That may be original - but I don't think it's pretty. My mother's attempts to stick it on with plasters didn't help either. With my ears, it took inner work to say "yes". 

You certainly have areas that are unique and one-of-a-kind and that you like: (parts of) your appearance, talents, loved ones, exciting experiences. You can do things that not everyone can do and have opportunities that are not open to everyone.

Expose "I am good when..." sentences 

Parents often unconsciously convey messages to their children such as: "You are good when you eat your plate well!" "You are kind and loved if you are good and quiet!" In other words: "If you behave the way I tell you to, then I will accept you." Because everyone has the need to be accepted, they bow to these sentences without questioning them. Often for a lifetime. Even as adults, many women still play the role of the good girl: they do everything for everyone else - and hardly stand up for themselves. If they show their own interests and act confidently as an adult woman, they feel bad. They are still afraid of rejection - the old phrases "You're only good if..." are so deeply ingrained.

Here I have two strategies that can help:

1. basic assumption 

Think about the aspects of your life and how they have shaped you: your body and appearance, your family of origin, your history, your education, your home country, your city or region, your friends. Take a close look at the individual areas - and consciously affirm: Yes, this is my life. 

2. introspection

Consciously listen to your inner dialogue for a day. How do you talk to yourself? What inner thoughts and sentences do you think? Do you often berate yourself or are you rather neutral and understanding in your inner dialogues, or rather positive and appreciative or apologetic? Think about whether you want to keep your current practice or change it. 

Mercy could do you some real good.

And quite logically: I have a few ideas on how you can learn compassion and acceptance.

Our offer for self-acceptance on Down-to-Earth

Please don't be too hard on yourself, because

• You don't have to (and can't) do everything right ...
• You can also be overwhelmed sometimes ...
• You are welcome to get help and support, also from me in a 1:1 Coaching

The Swing-Concept of the 8+1 elements of life

In the blog post I have the PLUS 1 "Faith and trust" of the 8+1 elements of life Swing-concept. You need all 8+1 for a strong and balanced life. If one or more elements of life are neglected in the long term, our life loses strength and joy. It is therefore important to ensure that no area is permanently neglected.

In the Online course "Swing" you will get to know the 8 elements, integrate them into your life step by step and master your life more holistically.

*This blog article is a mixture of content from my Online course DAN and an article first published in the magazine Joyce 03/2013. www.joycenet.de. With kind permission.