Your favourite life Vol. 9: A thermometer, a thermostat and your future
What do a compass and binoculars have to do with your future? Well, you'll find out today.
This blog post deals thematically with the element of life Reflection & alignment from my Swing-concept of the 8+1 elements of life.
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Reflection is the ability to adopt new perspectives and to learn. Without reflection and focus, you repeat your mistakes. Reflection and alignment give you peace and clarity, you can avoid mistakes, organise with care, structure and logic, and learn to understand and navigate life.
That is why we have chosen the colour blue and the binoculars icon for this element of life.
Reflection is very valuable to me.
I practise reflection in different ways: For example, before replying to an email: What do I want to give the other person with my answer?
Then a little longer at the end of the day - often combined with the question of what successes I can look back on and what I am grateful for in my professional and private life.
Then weekly and monthly in more detail - with a view to the past period. And finally once a year with my entire team.
I spend a lot of time reflecting. All in all, perhaps 2% of my time - not including automatic processing and reflection during sleep. I think this is a good investment because it gives me clarity and strength.
I wish you many inspiring thoughts and ideas on how you can organise extended times of reflection.
From the heart
What is reflection?
The term "reflection" comes from the Latin word "reflexio", which means "to bend back" or "to reflect". Reflection has many different faces, e.g:
- Reflect on what has happened and ideally learn from mistakes
- Exploring opportunities and finding perspectives
- Get to know and feel yourself better
When we reflect, we shed light on habits or behavioural patterns and ask ourselves questions. Reflection is a key to satisfaction and success. Michel de Montaigne says: "If we live our lives well, it has an effect on our feelings - we are in a better mood.
That is logical. Feelings are "only" the thermometer that shows us that our needs are being met. For example, if we provide good structures, reflect regularly and correct our course if necessary, then we experience the corresponding emotion.
The second part of reflection is alignment, you could also say learning. You sense something and then you act accordingly. If you reflect and realise that certain empowering feelings are often missing or opportunities are not being used, then you can take action and make an adjustment. Depending on your personality, the reaction will look a little different. Often it can also trigger stress or you realise the stress and pressure of a situation when reflecting.
Stress can encompass many things: Pressure at work, time pressure, physical exertion. Relationships ... When something happens that stresses us out, i.e. is stressful, sad or unsettling, we often don't even recognise our feelings, but react immediately - with anger, mental imagery, attack or withdrawal.
However, successful self-reflection only works if we deal with ourselves constructively and think positively. In other words, establishing a fundamentally positive view of our own lives. So don't just ask WHY, but rather WHY! This can actually be learnt and trained. Daily routines help immensely.
Practise every day this week:
Perceive: Be aware of your situation, feelings and needs and feel: This is what I feel and need ...
Relax: If necessary, take a deep breath and use techniques such as wingwave to calm down.
Look for solutions: Feel and think what you want to do now. Think positively, ask WHY and develop constructive ideas.
For all those who want more:
Take the Art of Living Hand Formula worksheet and work with it every day.
2. reflection time
Regular reflection times can help you stay on course in life or, if necessary, adjust your course before you get completely lost in the mire. It's good to give these special times a special name: Reflection Days, Quiet Days, Time Out, Dreamdays - whatever. This emphasises that this time is something special.
Regardless of whether you have a few hours or a few days at your disposal, it is advisable to structure and organise your reflection time.
Preparation: Ideally - which doesn't always happen - you finalise things before you go to a reflection time. Then it is easier to switch off and on.
Arrive: You can organise a phase of arrival by preparing the place for reflection and calmly and consciously laying out everything you need. In addition to a notepad, this can also include drinks and nuts to nourish the brain.
Looking back: This includes the question: What was actually going on around me and in me in the past? What has moved me?
Reflection: It is now advisable to think and feel how you perceive and evaluate what has happened. And what conclusions you draw from it. Reflection is of no use if it does not lead to action. Decide how you can reduce the negative and strengthen the positive.
Breaks and exercise: The body and brain need a break every 90 minutes to stay alert and efficient. In addition to breaks, exercise is important because it activates thought and processing processes - especially when running or cycling.
Planning: The important question here is: What's next? And what can I do to make it as successful as possible? Who or what can support me?
Plan reflection times:
Take your diary and plan a mini reflection time every day and a larger time slot every week.
Would you like more? Then we recommend regular reflection days (I always do this on the first day of the new month) or several days in a row at a different location every few months.
You can even join me on the ship for a guided time of reflection. https://kerstinhack.de/auszeit-an-bord/
Would you like more? Plan a larger time window, prepare the time and use the worksheet Reflection on life goals and milestones.
3. reflection tools
"As you call into the forest, so it sounds out," says a German proverb. This also applies in particular to questions that you ask yourself and others.
Closed questions: "Was it good?" "Yes!", "Am I beautiful?" "Hmm, yes", "Do you like vineyard snails?" "No" - Anyone who asks themselves or others such questions will often only receive brief answers. In communication research, questions of this type are referred to as "closed questions" because they generally do not open up any further communication.
Open-ended questions: Open-ended questions, on the other hand, invite you into the open. They are characterised by the fact that the person being asked often first has to think about what they can and want to answer - they invite you to choose from a multitude of possibilities. However, you can also get lost in the countless opportunities to ask yourself and others good questions. Especially when you are just at the beginning of your journey into the land of questions and reflection.
It is comparable to a person who is inexperienced in handicrafts suddenly being confronted with a plethora of specialised tools in a craft store and not knowing what is the best thing to do. The world and our lives are already complex enough - we need sorting aids to help us organise what we are experiencing. However, it is not helpful if the multitude of possible questions overwhelms us again.
That's why we need "basic tools" with which we can do a lot in a short space of time. The reflection hand formula worksheet is one such tool. You can also equip the five fingers of your hand with other questions.
For example, if you are concerned about your career, the following questions could be helpful: How much time do I invest in myself and my development every day? How much success do I personally need? Will what I am doing today still inspire me in five years' time? What would I give up to have more time for myself? Do I involve my partner in my life planning? If I want to quit: Have I thought about the financing? You can work on various topics in this way.
Two tools for reflection:
Think about an area that you want to reflect on, use the reflection hand formula and think about questions on this topic.
Get yourself a blank notebook and turn it into your personal reflection book. Write a sentence in it every day. It doesn't matter whether it's a short description of your emotional state, an actual state or a childhood memory that keeps pushing its way into your consciousness. When you have time for a longer reflection in a few weeks' time, let what you have written down sink in and perhaps you will realise something.
Use the worksheet Ideas for reflection as a stimulus.
4. reflection partner
People can be a great help when reflecting if they know how to do it. In "normal" conversations, it is usually the case that one person says what moves them and the other comments: "If I were you, I would do X." This is sometimes helpful, but not always.
Reflection differs from "normal" conversations primarily in that you describe what you perceive, e.g: "I can see that this makes you sad/happy/happy." On the other hand, a good aid to reflection is not to express your own opinion straight away, but to help the other person to delve deeper into the topic by asking good questions. E.g. "What exactly is bothering you?"
Friends as reflection partners: Suitable friends can be good reflection partners. As good reflection is as sharp as a scalpel, it is important to consciously ask permission if dissection is desired. Conversely, you can also ask suitable people for reflection. I make sure to clearly mark the beginning and end of a reflection time.
The brain as a reflection partner: Almost everyone is familiar with the phenomenon of falling asleep with an open question and suddenly knowing the answer out of nowhere in the morning. This has to do with the fact that the brain continues to work at night when it is at rest and not occupied with other things. You can use this to give your brain a task before going to sleep (or even before going for a walk): "Find a solution for ..." And then relax and wait.
God as a partner for reflection: My life is anchored in faith. I believe in a God who is alive and active. This also means that I trust that he is with me and speaks to me. That's why I also practise prayerful reflection. If you are not a believer, you can use the impulses in a modified form, e.g. for listening to your own intuition. I become quiet, reflect and write things down.
When I start to become still, I begin to feel what moves my heart. In silence, I get to know myself better layer by layer. In everyday life, I often react spontaneously. Most of the time this is good, but occasionally my spontaneous reactions arise from old, negative patterns of fear or helplessness. I realise this in silence. If I dare to face it, I can address negative behaviour patterns before my God and ask him to help me make the necessary changes.
You can reflect prayerfully by "writing while listening". It works like this: You sit down relaxed with paper and pen and become calm. For example, by taking a few deep breaths. You can also ask God to be close to you and speak to you in a prayer. Then write down a question that moves you. Then write down in a relaxed manner what comes to mind as an answer to the question. The important thing here is not to ponder or censor, but simply let the thoughts come.
