Why we need other people - and other people need us

Relationships, rich and valuable encounters and closeness with and to people are a major factor in life satisfaction.  

We humans are made for relationships, as beings we are made for them:

"It is not good for man to be alone", says God at the very beginning of time in the creation story. 

Being alone means being separated and disconnected.

We are not primarily talking about a love relationship here, but about the ability and longing of every human being to be in contact with others. 

What is a relationship?

A relationship is the regular interaction between two people in their actions, thoughts and feelings. We can be in contact with the generations before us, after us, with the people next to us and around us. There are good and fruitful relationships and less well-functioning and exhausting relationships. But what exactly constitutes a good relationship and what are its foundations? More importantly, what does "relationship" mean to you? 

In this article, we will look at how you can develop or strengthen relationships. I hope that this topic opens you up to new relationships and at the same time makes existing relationships richer and more beautiful.

I wish you much joy in doing good to others, which in turn will do you good.

Why are we good for each other?

Those who have good relationships with others are happier - and probably also contribute to the happiness of their fellow human beings.

According to a US study from 2010, friendship is at least as important for health as good blood pressure levels or a sensible diet. Did you know that lonely people release more stress hormones? According to long-term studies, loneliness is very likely to have an effect on increased cortisol levels in the morning. A good relationship with others, on the other hand, is associated with better health according to numerous studies.

But good relationships don't just have an effect on health. Other positive side effects are

• Friends give you a different perspective on life.
• Problems are perceived as less threatening when you have someone you trust at your side.
• Meeting loved ones gives you a higher self-esteem.
• Friends play an important role as a "life-prolonging" measure (scientifically proven).
• Friends help with many decisions.
• People with whom we maintain relationships are supporters in difficult times.
• ...

If we manage to cultivate friendships intensively, we benefit all the more from the fact that friends keep our body and soul healthy and can support us like a second family.And we them.

That's why I think it makes sense to invest in sustainable relationships. What makes a good relationship?

The 10 pillars of a good relationship

A good and sustainable relationship is not a stroke of luck or a matter of course. The pillars of a successful relationship must be built and maintained by everyone involved. 

Relationships are different, and so are the pillars of a relationship: depending on the type of relationship, these pillars can consist of different building blocks.  

One thing is certain: every relationship needs certain pillars in order to function and to have the chance to develop well. It is advisable to consciously think about these pillars, talk about them and define together which ones are particularly important for the relationship in question.  

If you take a closer look at good relationships and friendships, you will usually recognise the presence of some or all of the following elements: 

1) Communication 

2) Respect 

3) Openness and honesty 

4) Support and cohesion 

5) Trust 

6) Loyalty 

7) Common goals/ideas 

8) Shared leisure activities/interests and hobbies 

9) Independence 

10) For lovers: romance 

Only if both parties invest in the cornerstones will they stand firm and provide support, even when storms arise that shake the relationship. 

Consciously strengthen relationships 

For most people, relationships are the greatest source of joy but also the greatest source of suffering. In relationships, we expect closeness and connection. If this doesn't work, we are frustrated. There is no guarantee that closeness and connection will succeed, as there are always two people involved.  

But there are behavioural patterns that increase the chances of closeness developing. This differs for men and women. Yes, men can also be close, really now ;)

The behavioural patterns have a positive effect on all types of relationships: Family bonds, friendships and romantic relationships. Let's pick out a few of the pillars of a relationship and look at how they can be strengthened: 

LoyaltyFaithfulness also means being prepared to work on the relationship/friendship. Investing all your energy in it and contributing to its growth. 

Communication: One of the most important factors for successful communication is clarity: you say what you really mean. You've probably heard this many times before. But over the next few days, pay attention to how often you tend to say things "through the grapevine". And force the other person to guess what you actually want to say. 

Openness and honesty: Under the guise of "honesty", many things are said in relationships that would have been better left unsaid. Too much openness can be just as hurtful as too much secrecy. A helpful rule of thumb is: if something is important or could be dangerous for the relationship, it should be addressed. If it would only lead to hurting the other person, it can be taken to the grave. 

Common goals/ideas: Shared experiences weld us together. A quick "Do you remember when...?" is often enough. Special events are much more memorable than normal everyday life, shared memories strengthen bonds. A shared vision for life can also unite people. People are happier and find their lives more satisfying when they are committed to something bigger than themselves. 

Hape Kerkeling says in one of his sketches: "Love is work, work, work!" You can only have good relationships if you work on and for them. This self But investing doesn't have to be forced and exhausting. The art of relaxed interaction with one another lies in this, 

• Understand what the other person needs
• stay relaxed when weaknesses occur 

Building relationships 

Trust is the basis for closeness and for building and maintaining a relationship. So let's take a closer look at this pillar. 

People you trust develop better. Denmark is a country with a very high level of trust in international studies. There, if you are ill for several days, you don't have to bring a doctor's note to your employer. And it works. People don't want to betray the trust placed in them. 

A relationship begins with trust. If you trust, you are sometimes disappointed. If you mistrust, you will be disappointed more often because your own mistrust leads to people behaving more negatively. It is therefore worthwhile first of all approaching people with trust. And only then, when they have shown that trust is not appropriate, to show a certain degree of scepticism.  

Of course it makes sense to trust appropriately. With a stranger, I trust that they mean well and don't want to kill me. However, I would rarely give them my credit card, even if 99% of the people here would act in a trustworthy manner. I wouldn't give a child my sharpest kitchen knife, but rather one with a lower risk of injury. There is trust here, but at an appropriate level.  

In her "recipe book", Eva Schulte-Austum has listed 9 basic ingredients for trust that define trust in a great way. TRUST consists of: 

V - Secrecy E - reliability R - espect T - transparency R - eliability/reliability A - sincerity U - support E - mpathy N - eutrality 

(Have the courage 

CheckBe honest with yourself and check where you have weaknesses that make it difficult for others to trust you.  

Consider: What behaviours do you want to strengthen to make it easier for others to trust you? 

ReminderThink about situations in which you have had positive experiences with a person and consider what trust-building behaviour this person has demonstrated.  

Addressing weaknesses: If you see behaviour in important relationships that makes trust difficult, e.g. a lack of willingness to help or a lack of discretion, address this directly: "I often see behaviour X in you. This stresses me out and makes it difficult for me to trust you. But I want to trust you because you are important to me. I'd like to talk to you about it. Is that ok?"

Get active, especially if you feel alone

Especially when we feel alone, we have the desire to be given affection. We feel needy. As normal as this desire is, it is important to let it go. Perhaps you have the feeling that you can't do anything about your loneliness. Or you find it difficult to approach others and take the first step.

Perhaps this strategy will help you:

Think about a topic that interests you and then see where there are likely to be people who might also be interested:

• One group
• A club
• A course
• A special place

Can you help out there somehow? Maybe you can even use your personal strengths there? Maybe you can find a community by doing voluntary work?

Since it's a topic you feel comfortable with, you have an easy starting point for conversations and it will be easier for you to communicate with others.

If you are prepared to create more opportunities for encounters, then something wonderful can be set in motion.

I work from home and am happy when I can Coaching guests on board who spend time out here. I also plan regular meetings with friends so that my soul doesn't wither away.

I have a Webinar about how to create and maintain real closeness. I will explain ways to achieve more closeness and you will also receive detailed documentation.

The swing balance concept 

The life element of relationship is part of my Swing-concept: The most beautiful and profound thing I have ever developed for a holistically good life. While the other concepts strongly separate the individual areas of life from each other, the Swing-Concept the basic human needs that are important for a balanced life: 

The special feature of the Swing-Concept is that while it is important for a fulfilled life that all elements are present in life, it doesn't matter where and how you live them out. 

Whether vision and creativity unfold at work or in leisure time is not so important - the main thing is that they find space in life at all.

Online you can do a test herewhich element of life is currently being neglected.

Here you will find various Offers and books on the subject of relationships in our shop.