When a person changes your life...

Some people leave traces that never fade. My oldest mentor Geri Keller was one such person. I sorely miss his encouragement, his enthusiasm for life, his wisdom. A few days ago, when I was particularly missing him, I comforted myself with a jumper he left me...
In this article, you will learn how mentors have shaped my life - and why we all need someone who believes in us. And you'll get tips on how you can find out whether you could be a mentor for others yourself. 

My oldest mentor Geri Keller

I cry when I think of him.

Out of gratitude. And because of the loss.

Geri Keller was a fatherly friend and a wonderful mentor to me.

He died a few years ago.

I still miss him very much. Him as a person. 

And I miss

• his encouragement
• his cheering: "That's huge, isn't it?"
• his jubilation at the beauty of nature 
• his prayers and mails
• his wisdom

A few days ago I particularly missed him and put on the jumper I inherited from him to console myself.

I once had a dream. 

I saw him running across the mountains in a rustic woollen jumper. Full of power. Connected with his God.

It was already clear at the time that he didn't have many years left on earth. That's why I wrote to him:

"When you're no longer here, I'd love to have your rustic jumper!"

He wrote back: "You shall have it."

After his death, his wife gave me a beautiful, rustic sheep's wool jumper from Geri.

I was interested in more than just the garment.

The rustic woollen jumper is a symbol of what I learnt from him: To move forward, to be courageous, to enjoy all that is beautiful. Investing. 

Ouch. Now I have wet eyes.

I really miss Geri as a person and Geri as a mentor.

My other mentors 

In addition to Geri, there were a number of other people who accompanied me for a while

• Sr Ursel: A deaconess (Protestant nun) who gave me a lot of advice and dozens of books - many biographies. The fact that I publish the Weltveränderer series today is also thanks to her. 
• Inge: Companion in my teenage years and beyond
• Keith and Cathy RobinsonA mentor couple during my voluntary social year in England. Lots of cups of tea, warmth and good advice. 
• Richard: He taught me a lot about spiritual life. 
• Several business mentors: In the beginning, after the company was founded, they were paid by the job centre, later by myself. They supported me in matters of organisation, marketing and financial management. 
• Elizabeth - sadly also deceased - and Natalie: Two wonderful women, trained as Spiritual Directors, who helped and still help me to get closer to my heart and my God. 

There are also many people in whose courses and workshops I have learnt a lot and who have accompanied me directly and indirectly, even if they were never "officially" my mentors. 

What exactly is mentoring?

Mentoring is widespread in many areas - e.g. in business, coaching, science, but also in voluntary work or personal development.

Wikipedia distinguishes between business mentoring and general mentoring and explains general mentoring as follows: 

In general, the word Mentor (female: Mentor) the role of an advisor or an experienced counsellor who uses his or her experience and knowledge to promote the development of mentees.

In other words, mentoring is a supportive relationship between an experienced person (Mentor or Mentor) and a less experienced person (Mentee).

The aim of mentoring is to pass on knowledge, experience and perspectives in order to support the mentee in their personal or professional development.

Tobias Faix, enthusiastic mentor and author of Mentoring leben defines the meaning of mentoring as follows:

Mentoring aims to help you get to know yourself. To discover yourself in a safe space in peace and quiet and to set off on a journey together with a mentor.

There is a lot to discover - first and foremost yourself: your own gifts, personality traits or character traits. This takes place in a familiar relationship framework in which the focus is not on effectiveness, but on growing and maturing.

Mentoring is nothing new. For thousands of years, experienced mentors have been passing on their knowledge to younger, less experienced people. This can be found in the Bible with Moses, who shared his life with the young Joshua and passed on his knowledge. Or Odysseus, who entrusted his son Telemachus to his friend. The friend was called Mentor - hence the name "mentor" - and he asked him: "Tell him everything you know!" 

In Asia, there are spiritual masters; in the Jewish context, it is the rabbis who act as mentors to their followers. It is not just about imparting knowledge, but the declared goal is: "Become like the master!"

Unlike coaching, which focusses on individual aspects, mentoring is broad-based and aims to support and accompany the whole of life - or at least large parts of it.  

Characteristics of mentoring are 

• Individual supportThe mentor gives advice, shares experiences and helps the mentee to overcome challenges. A good mentor inspires, empowers and helps the mentee to surpass themselves.
• Long-term relationshipMentoring can last for months or years and often develops into a deep connection.
• Personal & professional developmentThe mentee receives guidance, support and inspiration for their goals. Mentors share their insights to accelerate the mentee's learning process.
• Encouragement & reflectionIn addition to concrete tips, the mentor encourages the mentee to utilise their strengths and reflects with them on their development.

What makes a good mentor?

Ultimately, a mentor needs three key ingredients to be able to accompany others in a substantial and successful way.

1. interest in the development of others

Mentoring means investing in the development of another person. This requires time, genuine interest, patience and a willingness to see the mentee grow, even if it means doing it in their own way and perhaps not always following the mentor's advice directly.

2. empathy and listening skills

A good mentor is not just someone who gives advice, but above all someone who listens, understands and recognises the needs of the mentee. Sometimes even better than the person themselves can. It's about meeting the person where they are and encouraging them on the basis of a good connection with each other and encouraging self-reflection through targeted questions.

3. experience and expertise

A mentor should have life experience - in the case of professional mentoring - sound specialist knowledge and expertise in a specific area. This forms the basis for giving the mentee orientation, reflecting on challenges and showing new perspectives.

These three aspects - knowledge, empathy and genuine interest - make the difference between a "good counsellor" and a real mentor. 

I have a short Quiz that will help you find out whether you have what it takes to be a coach or mentor. Do it here

Most people have empathy and an interest in people. But I believe that anyone who supports people on a voluntary or professional basis should also know the most important coaching tools in order to be able to support people in a confident and relaxed manner.

Just as it is not enough for paramedics to have the good will to want to help, specialised knowledge is also important. 

Becoming a mentor - is that my path? 

Mentors are wanted.

Programmes such as Rock Your Life! show that volunteer mentoring can double the chances of disadvantaged young people to enter vocational training.

One Study by Mentorloop revealed that 76 % of respondents consider mentors to be important, but only 37 % actually have a mentor. 

Of millennials, as many as 79 % consider mentoring to be critical to their professional success, yet 63 % of them state that their leadership skills are not sufficiently developed. This indicates a great unmet need for mentoring.

You could help to support this generation and be or become a mentor for young people who want support in their career or for their personal development.

Maybe you're thinking: I'm not as mature and wise and strong in faith as Geri Keller.

Big secret: It's not me either.

But you have something to give. You have experience. You have knowledge. You have something that younger people need - or others who don't have precisely this experience.

Don't hold that back. Give the world what only you can give. And learn the skills you need to be really effective as a coach.  

Learning mentoring and coaching skills the easy way 

One way to honour my mentor Geri and my other mentors is to multiply what they have given me.

I myself am a coach and mentor for younger and sometimes not so young people.

And I like to support mentors and those who want to become mentors.

How? 

I do this mainly through Coaching. I help people - including those who are already supporting others - to work on their own construction sites. .

And I offer intensive and practical online training for the most important tools in dialogue management - the Coaching Basics Bootcamp. You will learn the basics of coaching in 10 hours.

That's the best thing for me.

In my view, anyone who supports people on a voluntary or professional basis should know the most important coaching tools.

I only recently heard of a case where counselling went really wrong. The reason: the counsellor had a different goal than the person seeking advice, who became increasingly frustrated as a result.

That doesn't have to be the case.

In the Coaching Basics Bootcamp I will teach you in 10 hours how to clarify the goal and help those seeking advice to untangle the inner chaos and find new paths. 

In the boot camp you will learn the 10 most important attitudes and techniques for successful coaching and can start coaching immediately afterwards. 

I offer the Bootcamp usually takes place twice a year - once in spring and once in autumn. You can find the dates directly at Bootcamp and also on my Dates page.  

Immediately after your registration, you will receive access to recordings of the last boot camp and detailed checklists for your first coaching sessions. Find out more here

Further resources for mentors and mentors 

As I said, the bootcamp is the best thing I know to quickly and effectively become a better counsellor or coach. 

The second best are the Quadro training booklets Living Mentoring and Coaching basics, Coaching employees and Develop wisdom.  

They are also in the Coaching package with 10 coaching quadros included. You save 18 euros compared to buying them individually.

If you have the heart to accompany people, then you have the most important thing. You can learn the tools of the trade.

Better safe than sorry. So once again: there are people who need exactly what you have to give.

And I would be very happy to accompany and train you,

I hope that you experience how people can support you and that you can support others yourself. 

Tip: Also read my article: How do you become a coach?