God knows my limits

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been relatively calm, despite the huge challenge of completing the most important work on the boat by the end of July and raising the money to pay for it. Then yesterday, a few large bills arrived, one of which was 1,200 euros higher than I’d estimated and budgeted for… and I really started to panic. I was afraid I wouldn’t make it.

This morning I was reading a devotional book – a classic „Abide in Christ“ I read something along the lines of what Andrew Murray said, that a storm rages outside and drives us closer inwards – towards the Father’s heart. I then poured out my heart to Jesus. And although I prayed for a miracle regarding my finances, above all for the fact that I to him that can get through, despite and in the face of his fear near may be. That was important to me – being with him just as I am right now… – not as my ideal Christian self-image would sometimes like me to be: strong in faith and courageous. I am like that sometimes. But I wasn’t like that this morning. And I wanted to be with God – just as I was. And I knew too: my God walks with me – right where I am right now.

I then wrote to a dear friend:

„My bank balance is dwindling by the day… not just the boat – but publishing costs too…".
Please pray for my heart, that it may remain with Jesus in the midst of and despite my fear.

Immediately after writing the email, I checked my account… and could hardly believe my eyes: the largest single donation for the ship to date had come through. It’s a sum that really takes the pressure off – even though the major challenge, of course, remains. I am infinitely grateful.

But even more than that, I am grateful that the timing of its arrival shows me: God knows and loves me. He knows my limits. And he knows just how much stress I can handle and bear right now… I wept with gratitude for the gift, but above all for his love. Oh yes – and seven more „fives“ turned up as well – six in cash, one from the sale of a second-hand book. I’m grateful for that…

I am also grateful to a few professionals who are helping me.

• A heating engineer who calculates the ship’s required heating load for me. Don’t ask me what that is, but you need it somehow to know how to size ventilation and heating systems.
• A lighting engineer who is helping me plan the lighting on the ship… and who previously worked for what is probably the world’s best lighting design firm, based in New York.
• An electrical engineer and boat builder who helps me with the electrical design and other planning work.

I’m absolutely amazed at how God brings people together. And that He knows what I need, but also where my limits lie. It’s so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes!

PS 12 June. I’ve just received another encouraging gift from one of my best „cheerleaders“, who never fails to lift my spirits… a brilliant new magazine with a quote on the cover that sums up my experience: “Some things are best learned in the stillness, some in the storm.” Willa Cather